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Explanatory Rambling.Collapse )

I am extremely thankful for all help.

Syaoran Sleeping Beauty

Ayaya, soon there should be a lady coming here...


I have been quiet as the grave lately, but I swear there will be interesting fiction and lightly-coloured drawings and the like coming along soon enough.

Right now I am nervously sipping at green tea which I broke open from a Nature's Bounty capsule.

The Scriabin piano sonata (skipped to 35:49) relaxes me. It may relax you, as well, even though the performer quit his director job in 2015.

Ooh! I think I heard the garage door! Off to see what happened! Poka~
  • Current Mood: anxious anxious
  • Current Music: Scribin piano sonata no 3 (a peaceful one here:
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Gah. Evening-ish walking DOES tire you out, спасибо.

In hope my physical health will improve, I spent an hour ellipticycling, as I thought that was the closest method I could use to control all the variables in my experiment. I wanted to see if I could exercise more before I went down to visit my friends on the Metro line of public transportation later in October.
(I do not trust the outdoors, as there are automobiles and all sorts of neighbours who distract me like crazy, see I'll end up spending the hour rambling about Rasputin or the like.)

Since I strongly doubt I can evenly walk for an hour straight, I set my alarm for ten minutes of straight walking, then rested on a chair for five. This rejuvenated me enough for another ten. I controlled the resistance at the 40 minute mark when I was admittedly getting bored with thinking the same things over and over.

It gets a bit tiresome living in the same head your whole life, you know? I know that's what books are for, but still...

(I can almost sing the Sailor Moon Crystal OP entirely by myself you know :P but it's still overwhelming)

I worried that maybe I should have rested for ten minutes and walked on the ellipticycle for five minutes until further notice, since I'm clearly not feeling well now - double vision and a headache are major factors of my life right now - but I wanted better results faster, so I thought that the reverse (as I had done, exercise ten and rest five) was the proper modus operandi.

So this has been my life.
Syaoran Sleeping Beauty

If my life weren't already so bizarre, this would have been the strangest experience of my life.


When I picked Beethoven from the playlist and was told it was the 6th symphony, I WAS EXPECTING THE BEGINNING OF THE PASTORALE WHEN I SMILED HAPPILY AND CLIMBED INTO THAT COMFY MRI MACHINE!! *tear* Do MRI officials deem the whole symphony inappropriate for mass consumption?Collapse )
Syaoran Sleeping Beauty

Costuming Considerations

The holiday for which one dresses in a scary way approaches.

I have wanted for eons to be Baba Yaga, but two nights ago something even more terrifying happened to me, involving sleep paralysis and inability to inhale. (That could have something to do with reading Charles Dickens late at night, but I did it again the night after and nothing happened. Maybe it had to do with the part of the story I read: it involved an apparition talking with a character before taking him away...) I thought maybe that terror could help me become something effectively fear-inducing for the Halloween celebration. I am still way too frightened to make a Stalin facsimile. That would be silly, anyway: I was Trotsky for the Halloween of 2013.

How would I effectively portray the horror of waking up and discovering not only that I couldn't move, but couldn't breathe?


It'd probably be easier to just go ahead with Baba Yaga. In the comic I recently read, Marika McCoola's Baba Yaga's Assistant, it turns out that I currently look an awful lot like Masha, the assistant. But she is sympathetic, not what I'm looking to portray.
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The only way to get better is to keep trying.

One can read all (s)he wants about writing, or playing music, or communicating in Russian, or any of a myriad other fun exploits, as I had been doing this week, but nothing would happen until something is submitted. Until the exercise is exerted. Until the laziness is overcome.

Today I am offering Writer's Digest this post since I haven't been doing more than enough things lately.
It's not like I'd been busy volunteering at the elementary school library, or that I've had complications with physiatry appointments (I politely explained that is not a misspelling but a form of physical rehabilitation), or like I had been reading enough to finally comfortably approach 365 books this year. (As it stands I have read 277 books in 2015 so far, and maybe only twenty of those are laze-skims from the elementary school library so far!)

As my username implies, I am Claire.
This Livejournal started when I was fifteen (November 2004) around the point I wrote my first NaNoWriMo document, Highly Strung, maybe the year before. (Poor memory) It may still be up here in the archives... I basically joined the LiveJournal community around that point.
A few years later, to my surprise, LJ melded with ЖЖ, or maybe just became translated into it, or something like that, so I didn't have to get out of the house to practise Russian at the university any more: it is right here.
This is a good thing, as I had been getting unbelievably sick after that, hence the physiatry visits.

Anyway, I'm not sure - maybe I'll look at one of those blogging books, but I think I have the basic idea down pat...

As it turns out, Josef Suk is a violinist composer from the late 19th to early 20th century. Ah, one of Dvořák's students! His star pupil, apparently. Ah, Mahler and Berg took notice of him! No wonder I selected his Pohadka fairy tale suite to accompany this entry. It seems that pohadka has no etymological relation to сказка, which means the same thing, as that seeming similarity, -ka, is just a diminutive...

So there is a book about Zhukovsky at my university library... on the fifth floor... (who is a poet, whose name came up in the Wiki line "Pohádka is based on an epic poem by the Russian author Vasily Zhukovsky entitled The Tale of Tsar Berendyey (Russian: Сказка о царе Берендее) which unsurprisingly piqued Janáček's interest in Russian culture. The composition presents scenes from the story rather than being a complete description of the tale."

Janáček is not Suk, true, but the name came up. (Eventually I'll retag all the Czech entries, since I just noticed I never mentioned it before now.)

I hope everyone has a nice weekend!

What Can Be Done?

While reading Robert Caro's second biography on Lyndon Johnson (to be all ready for when the fifth comes out soon! ♥), I marvelled at how he campaigned despite having kidney stone problems.
It makes me feel guilty for claiming "oh, woe is me, I can't do anything in politics any more, I am dealing with the residuals of a traumatic brain injury."

I hear down the grape vine some people implying the Socialist candidate for US Presidency Bernie Sanders doesn't have a chance, any more than Hillary Clinton, and that Donald Trump is going to muscle his way into it, due to his financial might, as well as the weakness of his competitors. I have always wanted Hillary Clinton to win, ever since I was a little girl, but Bernie Sanders may be a better choice following my ideals more closely...

So what is to be done is complain about indecision on the Interwebs and read from page 207 to 385 of Means of Ascent, the Lyndon Johnson biography I mean to finish by this weekend. (It has 522 pages, though many of those are endnotes and the index.)

Maybe consider pondering over Chernyshevsky's What Is To Be Done?...
  • Current Mood: thoughtful thoughtful
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Winding down...

I have restarted seriously walking nightly around the neighbourhood. This is not entirely due to my friend denki_gisi's suggestion - I am plain in need of decompressing regularly that I have stopped doing after classwork slowed at the end of 2013.
Not entirely to follow his suggestion of letting it put me to sleep (as Shosty is scaring me out of wanting to go straight to bed), but tonight I pick walking at this late hour to avoid the blaring light of mid-day. I didn't realise how sensitive I am to light - I should have figured it out a long time ago, from my lengthy history of walking around the house and scaring the hell out of my family in the dark, but strong light bothers my eyes. So today I went the reverse direction from yesterday (so cars wouldn't bother my sensitive vision as much), went to the side of the road and covered my face with my hands whenever a car passed. I found it much more effective.
I may scare the people looking out for me by not bringing a flashlight and shining it at cars when they pass, but the idea of bringing the flashlight was making me feel sick so I didn't since I was only out for maybe a bit more than 30 minutes.

I haven't the energy to think as adroitly as normal. I am strongly tempted to give up on this entry entirely and go straight to bed just like last night, but my guilt for not practising or even listening to this suite I have listed as my music (former since last Thursday, latter since Saturday) is forcing me here for a while longer.
Plus, my excitement it is still Monday here has me extracting the very last bits of power from the remnants of my corpse! (I like the French le corps for some unfathomable reason.)

In the near future I'm expecting to regain power to resume following a semblance of my original plans, which involve taking over the world.
In the morning, when I have energy, I've been watching a few minutes of the Bad Good Men film at a time, for example. (Not all at once since I'm already way overwhelmed @_@) At the moment, no. I'm here until the end of the Shostakovich.

Stumbling off to sleep...

Am I being unfair?

My dictionary suggests нечестный, недобросовестный, несправедливый, неблагоприятный, and a couple other ne words besides пристрастный. But aren't the people telling me these things (that my main focus needs to rest solely on finding meaningful employment and life's unfair to their typical patients so I shouldn't be acting this way) those with higher degrees than a 4-year bachelors themselves?
How, after all, does anyone get to that point?

I mean, I understand the economy needs actors to make all its parts work. I'm very familiar with this, courtesy Marx, Engels, (OK I'm cheating and looking off a list to see whom else I recognise) Aquinas, Ariely, Aristotle, Bastiat, Bulgakov, Jean-Baptiste Colbert, Copernicus, Kahneman, Locke, Piketty, Plato, Quesnay, Sachs, Jean-Baptiste Say, Stiglitz, Xenophon, Thomas More, Bentham, Ricardo, and John Stuart Mill...
I promise those are only people I've read for at least two hours. Or maybe I'm exaggerating. But no, those are the ones whose ideologies I've at least vaguely followed!

Tomorrow I am planning to come to the first Immaculata Symphony rehearsal. (I'd been stressing over it to a number of close-ish acquaintances and family members - hopefully it won't come to this, but I might phone Matt in tears late tonight, since he seems to know how to calm me down.)

It may be OK since this is what I've always been prepared to do, but it may also be a nightmare since my reeds are a glorified mess and I left Anna the first oboist such a terrified-sounding message last week or the one before, and I have only one reed I have fully made by myself.
They might decide one of the other oboists who show up to this rehearsal is a better full-time fit for this symphony.

This is what I've trained for!

This Thursday I'm materialising in Immaculata for the initial symphonic rehearsal.
I bypassed auditions this year by having a long past history of superb oboe performance. I don't remember if I've played with this ensemble before - I don't think so, I remember more Chesco Pops (the ensemble from which I got into that accident). I think Marilyn is a part of Chesco Pops, too, so she told me to just show up Thursday.
According to the roster, Anna is the principal for this ensemble, too. (Oh, looking at it more closely, a male relation of the bassoonist who taught me privately outside university is a co-principal!) I called Anna in paranoia a few weeks ago and cried about my insecurities to her voicemail until I felt better enough to run a few scales on Phyllis.

So I have no reason to have anxiety. This is like letting a fish loose into the ocean. (I'm just wary of the orcas, seals, sharks, and other creatures with big sharp pointy teeth like harpists.)

So now I mean to extend my endurance (but I've always meant to extend my endurance. It's never really worked.) and stop worrying over things.

Both of these objectives I have difficulty accomplishing. But maybe getting off the computer and putting Alexander back together will get me back into the zone to get something done.